Same or Different

So, this "argument" I've too frequently had with meditation teachers about psychological versus spiritual work in meditation just became a little clearer thanks to Steven and Ondrea Levine. For my prelim literature review, I'm reading Embracing the Beloved, which has some interesting interpersonal exercises and practices that I'll likely end up incorporating into my dissertation method/intervention. In chapter 10, I and Other, they write:

"So the Zen master might ask, "Is I and other the same or different?" Don't answer! Don't reply too quickly! If you answer from the I and say "Different," you will not be telling the whole truth. If you answer from amness and say "Same," you will be equally mistaken. . . . The answer, or course, is not to say it but to be it. To do the psychological (different) work, as well as the spiritual (same) explorations to have a whole relationship..."

Alas, how obvious should this have been? Both they and I have a piece of the truth. Indeed, I fight against their seeming attachment to their partial truth and they certainly are working against my own attachment to my own partial truth. I'm not sure it's this simple...I'm not sure I've ever claimed the spiritual (not their word) is unimportant, only that the psychological is also critical. It seems I am constantly told, at worst, that it's irrelevant, or at best that it doesn't go deep enough. The latter I agree with. In part, I suppose I feel offended that generally someone who knows little about psychology and likely has not done their own deep psychological investigation through therapy or other means makes claims that they cannot know to be true.

As usual, a core issue here is how upset I let this make me, how easily I lose grasp of my own truth, how much I yearn for (appear to need) their stamp of approval on what I experientially know to be true. Ye of little faith, Melissa, in yourself and your wisdom. The lack of words is always problematic for me, of course, because as much as I want their stamp of approval, I strive to convince them (haha, who am I kidding, probably not possible and likely not necessary) but fail. I mostly feel I cannot find words for what I want to convey. The Levines helped give me words and for this I am grateful. Even if they disappear from explicit consciousness and are missing next time I search for them, once more my partial truth has been reinforced. I am reminded again that I do know, that I am okay, that my feet are on the path. Approval of other or not...

Addendum: this is nice too: "There has long been in spiritual and psychological communities the saying "You have to be someone before you can be no one."" [I distinctly remember saying basically this to a Zen teacher who wasn't able to or simply didn't acknowledge what I was trying to say. This, of course, is why I like this quote...giving my as-yet weak faith another pat on the back.] "It is a way of saying that you can't skip over the necessary psychological integrations in order to experience the boundarylessness of your true being. This solid truth points out that without some degree of psychological wholeness, we will not be able to integrate the spiritual insights that arise."